A (Gob)SMAC in the Face #55:  Stade de France – High Crime Zone

The last three matches of the Rugby World Cup were faster than the Fast and the Furious, more brutal than the Gladiator and had more drama than your average soapie.  But ultimately they were muggings on steroids.  The three teams – France, England and New Zealand must have asked themselves how did the amaBokke manage it – single point wins, three weeks in a row.  SMAC doesn’t know either.  In fact, he’s gobSMACed.  It wasn’t pretty, but there it is and it will be thus till eternity.

The Paris Gendarmerie have issued a BOLO (Be On the Look Out or Attention: se réjouir à l’idée de, s’il vous plait, in polite non-triggering French) for a vicious gang of thugs, the ‘23s, aka amaBokke, a multi-ethnic polyglot bunch.  They are recognisable by their gang colours which are green with gold highlights tastefully complimenting their short white pants, not quite haute couture or de rigueur as gang get-up.  The Gendarmerie have warned that this foreign smash-and-grab gang has been operating in the precinct of the Stade de France for the last three weeks.  There they have intimidated their victims into handing over their matches.  If their victims resist, they mug them most horribly by threatening them with a bomb squad and racially insulting their white victims.  Their most egregious verbal assault was against a white man, Curry, who was quietly going about his own business in the engine room.  Curry got very hot when he was called a white c%*t.  The English press was incandescent when the ex-colonialist further stated that he was also told that he was Jonah’s Pussy which he thought was a reference back to the 1995 World Rugby Cup affair with Mike Catt and Jonah Lomu when the ex-oppressed showed the ex-oppressor who was boss.  The perpetrator, allegedly Bonambi, refused to recant.

Finally, the gang audaciously managed to steal a trophy coveted by France, England and New Zealand.  They also made off with a bunch of gold medals right in front of worldwide TV audiences and the Gallic nose of Micron, the ruling French diminutive preening peacock.  His nose was already seriously out of joint after Les Bleus had been mugged just two weeks previously by the ‘23s.

Breaking News:  The gang returned to their turf where they were warmly welcomed with much ululating and other bodily functions and displays as their gold medals doubled the currency reserves according to their chief bagman, Enoch Godongwana.  We have been reliably informed that these will soon be deposited in a secure couch for a rainy day when the economy is beyond the Phala Phala.

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