The story that broke surrounding the millions of dollars stolen from Squirrel Ramaphosa’s farm raised countless questions.  Why does Squirrel deal in cash, and dollars nogal?  Why was this not properly reported to the police or a case opened?  Is it true that the suspects were effectively kidnapped – held for days against their will, without charge and not in police custody.  Was it $4 million as reported by Fraser, erstwhile head of the State Security Agency who has the skinny on everyone, or a more modest amount according to Squirel’s spokesman?  In fact, Iqbal Surve’s news group, who love to tell porkies, report $80 million!   And so on.  But the one that piqued my interest was why was the cash stored in a couch.  After much scratching of my head, I remembered my Afrikaans.  Apart from a bank being a bank, it can also be a desk or a bench and a rus bank is a couch.  There you have it.  I solved the mystery – they actually did bank the money.

Jokes aside, this is serious shit Cyril.  It is disgustingly similar to the December 2009 theft involving David Mabuza, then Mpumalanga Premier and now No.2 (and we know what that stands for) in the country.  The head of security told the Sunday times that R14 million had been stolen but that he only registered a case for R4 million as it would have raised eyebrows otherwise.  Officially though, the only case on the books is for R1200 registered on 23 December.  This case has never been resolved and has been allowed to die a quiet death.

It is blindingly obvious to everyone except the clinically obtuse that there are nefarious goings-on in both the Mabuza and Ramaphosa cases.  No one deals in that amount of cash unless there is something to hide.  The Zondo Commission made it abundantly clear that it was cash that greased the wheels of corruption.  Cabinet Ministers and a variety of Zuma appointed players were given golden showers of cash money in a variety of amounts, denominations and delivery methods.  With the Guptas, supplicants had to first pay homage by visiting the ‘Saxonwold Shebeen’ whereas Bosasa played Mr Delivery.  Bosasa also used braai packs as an alternative currency – messier and not as compact, but easier to launder.  Within a few days all evidence would turn to shit just like the tenders that the braai packs bought.

Corruption on the industrial scale that we have witnessed would virtually cease if two simple laws were enacted.  The first would prohibit cash payment if it exceeded a stipulated amount, say R20,000.  The second would deem cash in the possession of individuals and companies to be the product of criminal enterprise if it exceeded a certain amount and confiscatable by administrative fiat.  Exemptions based on typical cashflows could be applied for. 

I’m very disappointed that Squirrel has his nuts in a vice and it looks like his smalla-nyala skeletons are coming out of the furniture.  It’s not that I think that he’s a great President, it’s just that he’s the best of a bad bunch.  I shudder to think of a future with any other senior ANC member.  They’re either corrupt, ideologically bankrupt or clowns like Mbalula.