A SMAC in the Face #48:  The Orange Jesus

Someone described Trump as a sentient naartjie, although I think he was stretching the sentient bit.  This self-proclaimed ‘stable genius’ actually brags about aceing a comprehension test which is really designed to test for Alzheimer’s.

This week saw Liz Cheney reveal another cutting description of him by a Republican Representative who muttered, “The things we do for the orange Jesus,” when asked to sign a petition on 6th January objecting to the outcome of presidential election.

Let’s see how well this description fits him.  Orange he undoubtedly is.  In fact, his overuse of fake tan has probably indelibly stained him for life.  Isn’t this delicious irony for a man who routinely accuses anyone and anything of being fake while he is the mother of all fakers – the ultimate motherfaker.  Enough of that – on to the Jesus bit.

Jesus performed many miracles in his short life.  With just the laying on of hands he cured blindness, got cripples to walk, and if he lived today, he would have cured Covid.  He also prayed to his dad for a bit of help which I found a bit confusing as he would be talking to himself if the Catholics are to be believed. 

Trump also needed the helping hand of his dad when he inherited his fortune but is quite impressive in his own right.  Just by talking about Chloroquine as a cure for Covid he managed to help the planet rid itself of some idiots who took his word as gospel.  Powerful stuff, idiocy.  He further advanced the cause of reducing world population with his daily unhinged sermons, proselytising against all scientific advice and exhorting people to praise him and worship him in that parallel universe – the Church of Trump (let’s hope he’s not resurrected in two years time).

Where Jesus promised heavenly riches by believing in God (himself, I suppose), Trump promised investors, who believed in him, fantastic earthly returns when he magically inflated the value of all his assets manyfold to show what an astute businessman he was.  This ability to conjure up things out of mid-air was matched by Jesus with his bread and papsak trick.

But where Trump trumps Jesus is that he doesn’t have to pray or say anything to get a result.  In a sycophantic interview with Sean Hannity on Faux News he mansplained that he didn’t even have to say anything but just think about it and highly secret documents, privy to only a few cognoscenti, would be mystically declassified and, I suppose, become public documents and could be distributed to the masses to cogitate on.

As I said before, powerful stuff, idiocy.  Really, really powerful stuff.

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