The ANC is riven with fools but if there’s a court jester then that title belongs to Fickle Mbalula. Ten days after the Russians invaded a sovereign Ukraine, Fickle tweeted to his groupies that he had just landed in the Ukraine. Pray tell, what macabre joke was that coming from a supposedly responsible cabinet minister? Well I suppose it’s only to be expected from a manchild who styled himself as Mr Razzamatazz in a previous incarnation. A more recent persona which he adopted was Mr Fear Fokol* when he was made Minister of Police. This is from the manchild who had such a hard on for Beyonce that he kept on wanting to invite her to perform at the annual sporting awards at eye-watering cost. His most recent falter ego is Mr Fixit which he anointed himself with when he was appointed Minister of Transport.
The most appropriate handle should be a portmanteau of his last two – Mr Fix Fokol.
Three years ago, Andre de Ruyter was handed a poisoned chalice which he didn’t realise wasn’t only a metaphor. Having driven Eskom to the verge of bankruptcy, the ANC decided to cast around for someone outside of their universe who was untainted by all the previous ANC shenanigans and they appointed him CEO. But the ANC would never have his back. Gwendy Mantashe went so far as to accuse him of treason during the latest bout of loadshedding.
With no government support and after an attempted posioning, de Ruyter threw in the towel and resigned. Exit de Ruyter, stage Right, and enter Fickle, stage Left. After a frank TV interview the other night, de Ruyter was asked to go immediately but to leave the lights on. Stung by the aspersions that he cast on the ANC, Fickle launched into him in his normal bombastic style and accused him of being a failure. Well, let’s look at Fikile’s record. He supported Malema’s presidency of the ANC Youth League. Hmm. He went on to throw his weight behind Zuma’s rise to president and was rewarded with a Deputy Ministership of Police. He achieved nothing but then again a Deputy Minister has no power. Nice work if you can get it. Then he became Minister of Sport and Recreation for more than six years. Did he achieve anything? Nada! Even without getting his Beyonce wish, he still managed to blow R46mill on a sport awards evening. Then there was trip to ring side seats to watch the most expensive boxing fight in history featuring Floyd Mayweather. He moved his obsession from Beyonce to Floyd when he was invited to South Africa. Fickle’s department stumped up nearly R500k of related costs. Then there was the family holiday to Dubai costing about R500k, funded by a ‘friend’ who got the contract to supply the Olympic squad’s kit. During his tenure, did Bafana Bafana once qualify for the African Nations Cup, let alone the Soccer World Cup? Nope. Then he was moved to the Police Ministry for a year. What did he achieve? His latest appointment has been to Minister of Transport since May 2019. Over the nearly four years of his custodianship, his achievement has been to oversee the final destruction of PRASA. As far as I know, no national trains are running and the Metro trains are operating at a few percent of their theoretical capacity.
So Mr Fix Fokol, who’s a failure you reckon?
* Fokol = Fuck All for non-Afrikaans speakers