A SMAC in the Face #8: Le Chop Sportif

Novaxx, the Grand Prix of pricks, is on the cusp of becoming tennis’s greatest, a GOAT*.  Butt like a goat, he is obstinate and not easily led, except by the woo woo crowd.

He first fell under the spell of the dubious Dr Igor Cetojevic, a Serbian “specialist in energetic medicine”, who demonstrated that the mere proximity of gluten weakens him.  This he proved by asking him to hold a slice of bread against his stomach.

He then fell under the sway of Pepe Imaz, a coach-cum-spiritual guide, who extolled the beneficial power of extremely long hugs amongst other things.  With this guru’s influence, he started to extoll the virtues of telekinesis and telepathy.  Maybe that’s how he manages to serve so many aces.  He believes in “gifts from a higher order, the source, the god, whatever,” and the mystical healing powers of the Pyramid of The Sun in the Bosnian town of Visoko.   It’s a pity a about all the human sacrifices that seeed to be associated with pyramids across many cultures.

He has since struck up a friendship with the wellness entrepreneur, Chervin Jafarieh, who sells all manna of natural supplements.  Djokovic has also famously claimed toxic food and polluted water could be purified through “energetical transformation, through the power of prayer, through the power of gratitude”.  This is a trick that our evangelical con-man pastors should learn.

With all this going for him its obvious that Novaxx is going to become the healthiest and wealthiest and biggest GOAT of them all.  Nadal and Federer don’t stand a chance aginst all this voodoo science.

Coming back to his vaccination issues, he is obviously not sponsored by Nike because he would have been in violation of their logo – Just Do It – having not ticked that box yet or intending to either.

*GOAT – Greatest Of All Time

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