Hlaudi Motsoeneng awarded a Permanent Number as a Mampara

In the running fraternity in South Africa, one is awarded a Permanent Number for completing a certain number of a specific race. In the case of the Comrades, it is 10 finishes within the cut-off time. For the runner it is regarded as a prestigious award and an honour which is conferred on one. It is indicative of one’s dedication and hard work in obtaining this exalted award. Similarly with Hlaudi. He has gone beyond the call of duty in his management and leadership of the SABC. Thus he is a worthy recipient of this illustrious award for 2015. It requires a particular breed of ignoramus and imbecile to be awarded this noteworthy prize.

Firstly a brief look at Hlaudi’s stellar academic achievements. As far as can be ascertained, Hlaudi distinguished himself by obtaining a Standard 3 pass. It is still unclear whether this was a first class pass with distinctions or whether he obtained an F for Woodworking like another eminent colleague, Juju aka Julius Malema.

Main picture: The teflon coated man in his armour plated suit escapes yet again

After a series of rapid promotions within the SABC no doubt as a reward for his servile attitude to Luthuli House, it culminated in his appointment as acting CEO of the SABS.

Hlaudi has distinguished himself with his perspicuity of thought on the vital role of the National Broadcaster and Reporters in a democracy.

Both of these responsibilities were clarified in an interview on the Afrikaans TV channel Kyknet on DSTV two weeks ago.

In another Hlaudism, Motsoeneng opined that White producers are only using black faces

In another Hlaudism, Motsoeneng opined that White producers are only using black faces

In his introductory comments, Hlaudi made it abundantly clear that journalists in South Africa misunderstood their role in society. According to Hlaudi, this role is to influence the people and not merely to report on events.

As a trenchant example of this role, he cited reporting on crime. According to the World of Hlaudi, the more crime is reported upon, the more crime will increase. This he ascribes to Hlaudi’s Emulation Effect. Apparently if journalists no longer report on crime, South Africa will in short order become crime free.


Thus far, Hlaudi has been unable to convince any pre-eminent academic to endorse his viewpoint. In Hlaudi’s favour is the fact that in an alleged recent straw poll taken by the SABC where staff members were questioned by a transformation panel regarding their views on this contentious theory, 100% were noted as being highly in agreement with this tenet. The fact that the staff was threatened with dismal for not whole-heartedly endorsing this theory was dismissed by Hlaudi as yet more unsubstantiated academic mumbo-jumbo that he dismissively rejected. He contended that this allegation would be misconstrued by the public as suggesting that pressure had been applied on the staff to vote in a particular fashion. The fact that they all concur with his view is merely a reflection of the correctness of this philosophy.


Various suggestions have been made to the SABS in light of their new policy regarding crime. How about not reporting on corruption? Why not paint the Springboks black and call them AmaZamaZama and then they will be 100% transformed? Or paint some Bafana players white so that at least there will be a player of non-colour on the field? How about applying his policy of sunshine journalism in extremis and ban all negative stories from SABC? No pictures of drowning refugees or crashing planes. Rather should it not be staged Stalinesque photographs of joyous workers thanking an ebullient Zuma played by Trevor Noah. No-one should be forced to endure the puerile platitudes of an inarticulate rambling speech any longer.


For single-handedly rescuing South Africans from the predations of the criminals, Hlaudi is surely this week’s deserving winner of a Permanent Number in Mamparaheid.

A worthier recipient could not have been awarded this distinction.


Post Script: This is reminiscent of some Nationalist’s view that the word Apartheid should be banished as the suffix heid was too easily construed or misinterpreted by non-Afrikaners as hate or hatred. Like Hlaudi, he erroneously believed that disguising the truth would banish the truth. Welcome to the world of Animal Farm.

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