No sooner had His Excellency, The Most Righteous Donald Trump jnr been inaugurated into the No. 1 Office of the Presidency of the United States of MAGAland than he sicced his dutiful and obsequious minions on the US Federal and Justice systems and the world trading system.
According to Ussher, God created Adam on the 28th October 4004 BC just after lunch time. He then created Eve and after a stern admonishment about extra-curricular activities, he left them to their own devices, not that they had any back then, while he went off to bed. After an extremely busy previous 6 days, he had a well-deserved lie-in on the 7th day.
Fast forward 6019 years and one man had an inspiration in between inhaling Big Macs and draining diet Cokes. That man was Donald Trump once referred to by a Republican lawmaker as the orange Jesus. On the 14th July 2015*, he created MAGA, a peculiar pigment of his imagination. MAGA is a new world order populated by a throwback sub-species of man known as Homo Republicus Americanus. Since America is a nation of immigrants, legal and illegal over the years, this species comprises many sub-sub-species, of which Homo Mid-Westernus Americanus is the most prominent. They are mainly Caucasian and share many obnoxious characteristics. They are predominantly red-blooded males who have a love/hate relationship with society:
- Love gladiatorial contests like cage fighting, WWE Raw and football.
- Love guns – the more the better – and sayings like “Love is a Warm Gun”.
- Love bad-ass pickup trucks – the bigger the better.
- Love conspiracy theories and watch Faux News.
- Love patriotic bumper stickers and flying the American and/or Confederate flags.
- Love all forms of Christianity even the fraudulent and flaky versions.
- Love the Bible but selective about living by its code.
- Love tough guy movies with big explosions, epic car chases/crashes and titanic fistfights.
- Hate LGBTQ+ people.
- Hate immigrants, particularly Mexicans and South Americans.
- Hate abortions but struggle to define when life begins.
- Hate all other religions (but cut the Jews a lot of slack).
- Hate ‘sensitive’ movies.
Generally they have stunted critical thinking processes and consider America to be the greatest thing since sliced bread (which they invented). They think they were created to rule over earth particularly its shit hole countries and backward people. Their wives range from being just as bigoted and hateful as their husbands to those who are totally subservient to them.
And so a pall has been cast over America.
* Actually, that other American deity, Ronald Reagan, had first used a similar version during his 1980 Presidential campaign, “Let’s Make America Great Again”, but he didn’t trademark it as Trump did on this date.