America rightfully protested in the No Kings rally that they did not wish their country to be governed by a kinglike leader.   But maybe they should have protested as well about his King Midas touch.  We know he likes to touch nice things and now nothing in the White House is safe from his cold gold touch.  His décor sense along with the rest of his brain suffers from arrested development and can be summed up as Arab Chic.  It’s a pity the rest of him wasn’t arrested at the same time.

The latest to feel King Midas’ unwelcome grope is the Lincoln bathroom in the White House.  Maybe the green tiling isn’t to everyone’s taste, but he traded in old style warmth for a sterile marble wasteland with gold highlights.  If it wasn’t for his fake face tan, he could play hide-and-seek with Melania and she would never find him in there. His pallid old man’s body and veinous legs would blend right in with the veined marble.  Then again, she probably wouldn’t look very hard, if at all.