The Casual Observer

Meeting the Neighbours or How the Other Half Lives

By Dean McCleland in Other Opinion Pieces, Running 18 June 2015 0 Comment

Road Running certainly exposes one to how the other half of South Africa lives. To be more mathematically correct: how most South Africans live. Last Saturday, the Solomon Mahlangu half marathon ran through Mamelodi and today’s race – on Youth Day – was held in Kagiso in the far West Rand.

When I first started running about 31 years ago, running through the black townships was considered life threatening for whites in light of the “antipathy” with which whites were regarded in the townships. Most whites would boycott such races but by participating in the 1000 Km Challenge as well as the Around the World Challenge, certain of us had no option but to participate in all races including those running through these supposed death traps.

Main picture: The township of Kagiso is surprisingly clean. Very few corrugated iron shacks are to be seen. In fact, the township has uplifted itself over the the past two decades to represent a lower middle class black stratum with mainly well-maintained livable houses maybe not with the opulence of Sandton or Steyn City but certainly comfortable.

Warthogs have Feelings Too!

By Dean McCleland in Animals 16 June 2015 0 Comment

Of all of my friends, Ashley Wood was the only one who truly loved this creature, the unattractive and unlovely Warthog. Not that they are hideous like the much maligned snake or repellent like a macabre bat, but they certainly lack the cuteness factor of a lion cub or the majesty of a tiger. That was why Ashley loved them because nobody else did. Even though they will never grip the imagination like the furry cuddly animals, somebody had to befriend them, so Ashley accepted that role.

As always, Ashley might have been the eccentric iconoclast but warthogs have feelings too. As such they deserve our protection.

Main picture: A sounder of warthogs absorbing the heat from a bushveld fire

My Travel Plans for Next Year

By Dean McCleland in Jokes 16 June 2015 0 Comment

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense ! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get !

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country that was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Another Quiz to Test your General Knowledge

By Dean McCleland in Quizes 15 June 2015 0 Comment

It seems that most of you scored higher than me on the quiz the other day. Here is another one but which a geographical favour. Some are well known such as the highest point on the earth or the country that consumes the most food per annum. Others are less obvious such as which country consumes the most alcohol per annum or which area has the least rainfall. The answer has to be a desert but which one?

I cannot attribute the author as the person is unknown but I can thank Alan who graciously emailed it to me. The email was timeous as I was just putting pen to paper about the Omar al-Bashir / ICC commitment debacle.

Main picture: Where is the world’s hottest place. Answer further below

Paraprosdokians by Winston Churchill

By Dean McCleland in Other Miscellaneous Topics 15 June 2015 0 Comment

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

6. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

7. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put “DOCTOR.”

11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street…with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

Photographs of Berlin in 1945 and Today

By Dean McCleland in Historical, History 14 June 2015 1 Comment

Hitler’s decision to fight until the last man and boy had been killed resulted in Hitler retreating from the Wolf’s Lair in Eastern Prussia and ensconcing himself in the so-called underground Fuhrerbunker near the Reich’s Chancellery in Berlin. Large swaths of Berlin had already been laid to ruin due to the continual bombing sorties by the British and American Air Forces. Now it was the turn of the Russian Army to complete its destruction.

Main picture: These photographs, taken by the Boston Globe, show the same location in 1945 and in 2015.

Cloistered within the fetid and otherworldly atmosphere were Adolf Hitler and his mistress Eva Braun together with the Goebbel’s family – Joseph, Magda and their six children. In spite of the German Wehrmacht being woefully inadequate to prevent the demise of Deutschland, Hitler and his closest aids still lived in a dream world. Accompanied by Albert Speer, Hitler even took a tour of the Reich’s Chancellery in order to view a model of the future Berlin; such was Hitler’s unwavering belief in Germany’s invincibility in spite of the deteriorating military situation.

Quiz for people who know everything

By Dean McCleland in Quizes 14 June 2015 0 Comment

We all know somebody who knows everything. They are usually tiresome as they have the game of one-upmanship down to a fine art. Any conversation degenerates into a monologue as debate and discussion is impossible. Conceding a point is not part of their agenda. A variant of this personality type is the person who has contracted every time of disease and ailment known to mankind and survived them all.

Undoubtedly a close relation of ours who bores all and sundry with her latest ailment will be the first South African to contract MERS. Not surprisingly her Facebook account is littered with well-wishers consoling comments about her bad luck. Instead of applying the unwritten rule not to sympathise, their remarks pander to the person’s game.

Eight Words with Two Gender Specific Meanings

By Dean McCleland in Jokes 13 June 2015 0 Comment

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood
Male …..      The hook fastener on a woman’s bra strap

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female …. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another
Male …..    Playing cricket without a box

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-moo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female … The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner
Male …      Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female ….. A desire to get married and raise a family
Male ……   Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female …. A good movie, concert, play or book
Male ……   Anything that can be done while drinking beer

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female …. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion
Male ……  A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female …… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve
Male ……     Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female ……A device for changing from one TV channel to another
Male ……     A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes

Do They Really Think that we are that Stupid?

By Dean McCleland in Current Affairs 11 June 2015 4 Comments

Of course they do. And we are. First we had President Zuma laughing his way through a Parliamentary session on the Budget. Then the Minister of Police had to the temerity to insult our intelligence by baldly stating that the most unlikely expenditure on Nkandla, Zuma’s private residence, were all installed for security purposes. Then FIFA bribe scandal broke. To cap it all, is the ongoing saga about Eskom.

After Nkandlagate the next episode of the soap opera that is South Africa under Zuma was released. Then came the FIFA imbroglio in which the American FBI allege that the South Africans paid a bribe to a FIFA executive amounting to $10 million. What has been the government’s reaction? Bluster, lies and cover-ups from the Minister of Sports, Fikile Mbalula. At the best of times, he first has to remove the one foot from his mouth before he can insert the other one. Upon closer inspection after every denial, investigative journalists would undercover another piece of the jigsaw puzzle which would undermine part of the denial. Like the seasoned politician that he is, he just dug himself a bigger hole through more bluster.

Main picture: Silo collapse at Majuba Power Station

Signs that prove that South Africa is different

By Dean McCleland in Other Galleries, Other Opinion Pieces 10 June 2015 0 Comment

The ubiquitous sign in bold lettering PENIS ENLARGEMENT is plastered on almost every stop sign, wall and bus shelter especially in the decrepit ramshackle areas. What image does this conjure up in the minds of foreigners about South African males? In less bold lettering beneath the prominent words will be a whole plethora of ailments and desires which this magic potion or muti, in the local Zulu parlance, can remedy.

The list will include items such as finding a job, retrieving a lover from the arms of another man to finding another wife. Of course the whities or mulungus sneer and roll their eyes at such quackery but in certain segments of black society, these concoctions clearly have credence and an allure otherwise these flyers would not be as prolific.

Main picture: Perhaps in the case the muti will be effective because all it is “designed” to do is to enlarge and not to find a girlfriend