While Trump continues to party it up to the strains of Y M C A as a backing track at his rallies, he would desperately like to play hide-the-sausage with Melania, but she has been playing hide-the-crumpet for the last 20 years ever since he destroyed her trust with a Stormy tryst whilst she was birthing what turned out to be a 6’7” gormless Donald lookalike complete with a slicked back hairstyle from the 50s.  

Currently her hide-the-crumpet tactic is like the street shell game in which you’ve got to guess under which of the three cups the prize is hidden.  In her case, she could be at Mar-a-Lago, or Trump Towers in New York, or the White House.  That’s probably the reason why Trump trashed the East Wing which was the preserve of the First Lady and so cut down on her hidey holes.

She might have been happy to stay out of the limelight, but she was probably jealous of all the money the grifting Trump grime family was squeezing out of the presidency.  Light bulb moment – make a movie about herself and get Donald to lean on his billionaire supporters to fund.  And fund it, Jeff Bezos of Amazon did. The movie cost $40m ($28m to Melania) to make and a further $35m to hype.

You would be very wrong if you thought that this movie would lift the veil of secrecy on her enigmatic past (and present); how a poor little girl from backward Slovenia managed to catch Donald’s roving eye and hold on to it; or that she was an illegal immigrant using the H-1B ‘Einstein’ visa for exceptionally gifted people; and that she falsely claimed to have an Architectural degree.  It only looks at 0.1% of her life, the 20 days leading up to Trump the Stump’s Inauguration – Melania, Twenty Days to His Story (oops, I mean History).  What a pretentious movie.  It seems that my preconceptions were not misplaced as one critic remarked that it had more costume changes than The Devil Wears Prada.  How out-of-touch since Trump’s main focus when rallying the MAGA faithful, apart from insulting all and sundry, is affordability.

To hype her movie premiere (and it seems to need all the help it can get), Melania was interviewed by the Fox Newshounds, or should I say News lapdogs.  Since Trump’s favourite song that he does an old man’s dance to is Y M C A, they asked her what her favourite song was?  Somewhat confusingly she answered in her guttural Slavic accent, “It ees also, Y ‘iM Say I.”

No more nookie for the crookie!