Trump is more desperate than ever to be known as the Greatest President of All Time.  He has credited himself with a host of achievements, suitably exaggerated.  But one achievement that eludes him was awarded to the man who routinely causes a fresh outbreak of his piles – Obama.  We are talking about the Nobel Peace Prize.

Despite his constant reminders that he deserves it more than any person who has ever lived, the Nobel committee steadfastly refuses to budge.   His big claim is that he stopped eight wars in eight months, more than anyone in history.  To assuage him, FIFA created and awarded him a FIFA Peace Prize.  The Venezuelan opposition leader gave her authentic Peace Prize to him which he greedily accepted and then told her to go home with the admonition, “Don’t phone me, I’ll phone you.”  So, let’s look at these peace deals that he claims. 

In order not bore you to the point of shooting yourself (because you can’t shoot Trump or your dog like Kristi Gnome), I’ll summarise his claims – we’re talking about Pakistan/India, Rwanda/Uganda, Armenia/Azerbaijan, Egypt/Ethiopia, Serbia/Kosovo, Thailand/Cambodia, Israel/Iran and finally Israel/Hamas.  Barring the last case, these represent minor cultural/religious/political disputes.  They flare up every few years and, left to their own devices, soon simmer down.  They are similar to spats between siblings, but on the geopolitical stage.  Trump’s ‘interventions’ were limited to disputed telephone calls threatening economic hardship from big brother, but without outside intervention they would have died away anyhow as they have always done.

There is one war he has not managed to stop and that is the Russia invasion.  He claimed he would stop it even before he was officially inaugurated.  A year later and there is still no end in sight although he has set multiple deadlines.  Of course, it has not been helped that his idea of a settlement is a biased deal that only reflects Putin’s position so that Trump Inc’s real estate interests will be favourably considered after the war.  His main negotiator is the dummkopf Witkoff, another mega real estate man, who has met with Putin and his entourage alone, without even his own interpreter, seven times before he even deigned to speak to Zelensky who Trump routinely insults.

Furthermore, his disputed claims to be a peacemaker are countered by the eight times he has bombed countries.  In the case of the Israel/Iran conflict in June 2025, America was actually a belligerent in ‘obliterating’ Iran’s nuclear facilities with bunker busting bombs.  Like the devil, they claimed their work was done and proposed a ceasefire so that peace deal doesn’t really count either.  His claim has finally been completely undermined by his latest unprovoked attack on Iran again.

His final desperate move has been to create the Peace Board with a buy-in of $1bn like it’s some ultra-high stakes Las Vegas poker game.  As he is the house, banker and chairman they’ll probably conjure up another worthless Peace Prize for him.  All these shenanigans have prompted SMAC to join the club and award him a Pizza Prize – just as worthless but at least he can eat it.

For his second term, Trump promised America the Golden Era, and what a golden era his first year has been.

On a tour of Arab states to drum up more grift in mid-May 2025, Hair Force One parked next to the discarded Boeing 747 of the Emir of Qatar.  He was smitten by the white and gold paint job and completely bowled over when he saw the interior dripping in gold.  He was sold.  Actually, he was bought (off) when the Emir grifted the plane to him. 

 

During his tour of the Far East in late October 2025, Korea gifted Trump a replica of the golden crown from their ancient Silla kingdom in an attempt to suck up to him.  They also awarded him the Grand Order of Mugunghwa, Korea’s highest decoration, a confection in gold, silver, ruby and amethyst.  This is serious gangsta bling.  It consists of an insignia worn around the neck on a thick chain, a badge affixed to sash worn over the shoulder and a star, with a ribbon and a lapel badge as necessary.  Trump’s response to the award was, “I wish I could wear it now!”

In December, FIFA also tried to pacify Trump when the hairless and toothless baby, Gianni Infantino, awarded Trump the inaugural golden FIFA Peace Prize.  After all Trump’s bewailing the injustice of the world, this was like giving a dummy to a baby to pacify it.  That night he probably gently cradled it in arms while slowly polishing it with a soft cloth, muttering, “My precious. I’m finally Lord of the Bling!”

On 15 January 2026 he finally got his Nobel Peace Prize via the back door when Venezuelan opposition leader, María Corina Machado, gave her Nobel Peace Prize medal to him in the ultimate suck up move.  What did she get from it?  Nada!  Trump declined to endorse her as Venezuela’s new leader, despite claiming victory in 2024’s elections.  In compensation, she left the White House with a Trump branded swag bag which seemed to just contain Trump merch – Bummer!  However, the Nobel committee has explicitly stated that the prize itself is not transferable – Bigly bummer!

Given Trump’s attraction to gold and his claim that his presidency is the start of America’s golden era, it’s a wonder that he hasn’t issued an executive order to the Fed Reserve ordering the words on the banknotes to be changed to, In Gold We Trust, and embossed in gold.

But in his mindless, childish and bully boy pursuit of glory and recognition, Trump has left a wake of chaos in America and the world.  The report card for his first year reveals that there was a spelling mistake: it’s the Golden ERROR, not ERA – Fail!  Will Trump see the error in his ways in his second year?  Unlikely.

An aside:  The words, In God We Trust, appear on the back of American banknotes.  Since more than 319 billion US banknotes have been printed over the last 40 years alone, the word, God, probably appears on them more than in any other published form.  So much for the separation of church and state in America.

Probably the most iconic image of Japan is the beautiful ice-capped Mount Fuji, an extinct volcano.  It was further immortalized by a series of landscape prints by the Japanese artist Hokusai produced c. 1830 and titled Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji.  These are a series of woodcut prints depicting Mount Fuji from different locations and in various seasons and weather conditions.  The most famous is probably The Great Wave off Kanagawa.  They were so popular that another ten were produced.  Given that he produced these prints in his 70s, there’s hope for us pensioners yet.

Knock me down with a giant tsunami wave, but this iconic tourist touchstone has been supplanted by a modern consumer blight.  As Lilit Marcus writes in a recent CNN article, “A group of tourists follows their guide into the building, where he explains the history and context of what they’re seeing, translating signs from Japanese into English.  Wide-eyed in awe, the travellers politely ask if it’s OK to touch things and take pictures. Finally, they’re given free rein to wander around on their own, and they purchase gifts for loved ones back home.  This isn’t a Shinto temple. It’s a Japanese konbini, or convenience store, called FamilyMart.” 

Jesus, or more accurately, Hokusai wept.

The world is a dangerous place and Trump has singlehandedly taken on the Augean task of making it safer by bombing other countries, abducting their presidents, stealing tankers and their oil and threatening Greenland.  But he might get brain freeze (not that many people will notice) if he takes a bite on that icy country as it not only has 2 dogsleds to defend itself with but also a vast reserve of snowballs.

While Trump continues to party it up to the strains of Y M C A as a backing track at his rallies, he would desperately like to play hide-the-sausage with Melania, but she has been playing hide-the-crumpet for the last 20 years ever since he destroyed her trust with a Stormy tryst whilst she was birthing what turned out to be a 6’7” gormless Donald lookalike complete with a slicked back hairstyle from the 50s.  

Currently her hide-the-crumpet tactic is like the street shell game in which you’ve got to guess under which of the three cups the prize is hidden.  In her case, she could be at Mar-a-Lago, or Trump Towers in New York, or the White House.  That’s probably the reason why Trump trashed the East Wing which was the preserve of the First Lady and so cut down on her hidey holes.

She might have been happy to stay out of the limelight, but she was probably jealous of all the money the grifting Trump grime family was squeezing out of the presidency.  Light bulb moment – make a movie about herself and get Donald to lean on his billionaire supporters to fund.  And fund it, Jeff Bezos of Amazon did. The movie cost $40m ($28m to Melania) to make and a further $35m to hype.

You would be very wrong if you thought that this movie would lift the veil of secrecy on her enigmatic past (and present); how a poor little girl from backward Slovenia managed to catch Donald’s roving eye and hold on to it; or that she was an illegal immigrant using the H-1B ‘Einstein’ visa for exceptionally gifted people; and that she falsely claimed to have an Architectural degree.  It only looks at 0.1% of her life, the 20 days leading up to Trump the Stump’s Inauguration – Melania, Twenty Days to His Story (oops, I mean History).  What a pretentious movie.  It seems that my preconceptions were not misplaced as one critic remarked that it had more costume changes than The Devil Wears Prada.  How out-of-touch since Trump’s main focus when rallying the MAGA faithful, apart from insulting all and sundry, is affordability.

To hype her movie premiere (and it seems to need all the help it can get), Melania was interviewed by the Fox Newshounds, or should I say News lapdogs.  Since Trump’s favourite song that he does an old man’s dance to is Y M C A, they asked her what her favourite song was?  Somewhat confusingly she answered in her guttural Slavic accent, “It ees also, Y ‘iM Say I.”

No more nookie for the crookie!