Trump selects people based on their preparedness to do his will whether they’re in his cabinet, staff or key Federal positions.  Good looks also play a large part in this – think Kristi Noem, Karoline Leavitt, Pam Bondi and, most recently, Lindsey Halligan.  Competence is not a key requirement, in fact, it is not a requirement at all.  Witness the case of Halligan who was appointed to the high position of interim US attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia but has no prosecutorial experience – nil, zero, nada, zilch.  At least she can do no damage.  She can only irk Trump’s perceived enemies by executing his retributive legal attacks.  Other credentials for appointment to high office is to have been employed at His Master’s Voice, Faux News, where they graduate in the art of arse kissing – 23 so far this year.

Trump was elected by choosing hot button issues for the conservative Americans and inflaming the hell out of them with his freewheeling and fact-free style to the point that each group with a grievance was prepared to overlook his personal factory defects and the other issues that they didn’t believe in.  Pursuing this strategy, he surpassed himself by appointing a person who is unqualified in a job that affects the lives of every American, is a conspiracy theorist and, to top it all, a clown – Robert F Kennedy, or RFK, of the Kennedy political dynasty. 

RFK copied Trump’s signature MAGA movement with the slogan of MAHA (Make America Healthy Again) when he was appointed Health Secretary.  This is a man who claimed he had a parasitic worm that ate part of his brain and then died – probably of indigestion.  He loves eating roadkill and has swum in water known to be contaminated with sewerage.  Like Halligan, his credentials for the job could be listed on a fridge magnet – none.  However, he did bring along all the medical conspiracy kooks into Trump’s camp.  Although he vaccinated his own children, he has since changed his stance.  Even before Covid and the mRNA-based vaccines came along, he bought into the concept that the MMR (mumps, measles and rubella) vaccine causes autism.  That whole movement was based on a statistically insignificant study that has been comprehensively debunked.  As Health Secretary, he has had to backtrack on his opinions and has weaseled out by saying that the state should not be telling people what to do.  He is not even prepared to state that it is recommended to vaccinate. 

Ever since Louis Pasteur discovered the principles of vaccination in the 1860s, it has been the most successful medical intervention ever developed.  Only the discovery of penicillin comes close.  Gone are the scourges of smallpox which wiped out swathes of people particularly in parts of the ‘new world’ when the Europeans introduced their culture with a side order of smallpox  Gone too is polio which saw rows of children in wards filled with iron lung machines and people, like my father with a withered leg, or rubella which can cause blindness and deafness in foetuses.  Pasteur’s other great contribution to society’s health was the discovery of germs and how pasteurisation of milk can eliminate the many possible infections caused by drinking untreated milk.  RFK is passionate about this too.

Having started worrying about vaccination and autism, his latest mission is to find the causes of autism.  This has been studied for years without any answers yet he reckons he can nail it down in a few months.  Pressure from Trump, obviously desperate to deflect from a reputation infected by the Epstein virus, led to premature ejaculation by RFK.  In a hard-on press briefing on 22 September, he announced that his study group had found a link between acetaminophen (paracetamol) and autism.  Trump in a stable genius moment doubled down and then repeatedly directed pregnant women not to take Tylenol (because he couldn’t pronounce the chemical name) which could make him liable to a law suit.  In the latest televised cabinet meeting on 10 October, RFK contradicted his premature ejaculation without an apology about the mess he created and said, “It is not proof.  We’re doing studies to make proof.”

American Gothic is one of the most famous American paintings of the 20th century.   Britannica gives the following interpretation of the painting:  With its completion at the beginning of the Great Depression, some interpret the painting as a satirical comment on the unwillingness of rural Americans, and more specifically Midwesterners, to catch up with the modernizing world. That seems like a reasonable description of your common or garden MAGA supporter. So, given the dark times America is going through and the collapse of the American Dream, SMAC decided to make light of these times by reimagining the American Gothic

Trump and his shenanigans dominate the news cycles to such an extent that it’s difficult not to get sucked into their gravitational pull and write yet another piece concerning the free world’s most unlikeable man. With this in mind, scratching through basically finished but old spiked pieces on my computer yielded this tawdry but amusing sidebar to the tawdry Trump world.

Take a look at my girlfriend, she’s the only one I got.
Not much of a girlfriend, I never seem to get a lot. … Breakfast in America by Supertramp.

That long running banal saga, KUWTK 1 , like all good American shows, spun off a lot of lucrative franchises and ventures. Having got rid of her darker half, the unstable (Khan)Ye (god help us), Kim is carving out a new career with her SKIMS range of elastic body stockings which she self-promotes. Her numerous narcissistic selfies in her SKIMS show a perfect hourglass figure without all the bumps and baggy bits that go with it courtesy of the elastic sausage casing.

Not wanting to be caught wanting, Kourtney, a lesser Kardashian light, must have felt even more out of the limelight now that KUWTK has run its course. To boost her profile and her ego, she gushed on TV how sex fasting made it sooo much better. Given that she’s been with her spiky boyfriend, Travis Barker for just over a year 2 , they should still be all over each other like rabbits – looking at ways to tone it down rather than to spice it up. But then, looking at the way Travis has accessorised his skin, he must have plenty of inadequacy issues particularly when his scrawny white body comes up against the tawny voluptuousness of a Kardashian. Keeping it up with a Kardashian must then be an issue …. or not an issue as the case may be. Perhaps he needs the downtime to build up pressure to improve his uptime.

Why is it that famous people want to share their intimate details with whole world like some open-air therapy class? This pathetic narcissistic behaviour is not limited to the A-list celebs. We even have Melinda Gates, probably the richest woman in dowdy shoes apart from the late Queen, wanting to share her innermost feelings with the world who inhabit an existence diametrically opposite to the one she has inhabited for 27 years. It is like some crazy version of an AA meeting. “Hi, I’m Melinda Gates and my partner jilted me. I’ve been single for 6 months and 4 days. Perhaps I can give you some Windows into my situation. I was just DOSsing one day when Bill decided to stick his software – that’s what he’s got, ha ha – into a sleek new machine with great specs to download himself. He never updated me on his status until he caught a virus. He didn’t want to contact his competition, Dr Google, and he only got verse when he tried Dr Suess. Since then, I’ve been on a sex fast. It’s cleared my skin, I’m regular and I feel rich now that I’m divorced.”

Maybe all she hankers for is stardom after years as a grey little woman in the grey shadow of a grey geek. Perhaps she should release a sex tape like Kourtney did in 2003 and so many other celebs have done to perk their fans up. But, she sure as hell doesn’t need to advertise as there must be plenty of young bucks out there without much cache who would love to see if their modern hardware can handle her old clunky software with a bit of plug and play.

1 KUWTK – Keeping Up With The Kardashians, an American unreality show. Puke
2 Kourtney Sex fast – interview early March 2022

While researching this piece, I found that, like Kim, Kourtney too has a carefully curated lifestyle and wellness brand marketed via her esoterically named estore called Poosh – I kid you not. So, any South African disappointed at buying her overpriced rubbish would obviously explete, “Kourtney se Poosh!”

By throwing his considerable heft around and through lies, blackmail and threats, Big, Bad Don, or the Bigliest Clown of the 21^st Century, has managed to strongarm his BBB (Big Beautiful Bill) through both the House and the Senate.  But for the Republican Party, it might prove to be a Faustian bargain.  The BBB is like a BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) and just as gross, or as Musk puts it, “a disgusting abomination”.  And just like the BBL, the misrepresentations by the promoters are not going to age well and the BBB is actually going to push America’s problem of a fiscal deficit over the edge into uncontrollable territory.

The BBB could ultimately prove to be the downfall of Malice in MAGAland’s idea of the new America.   Appropriately SMAC’s response is based on the 1961 country hit, which resonates with the MAGAlanders’ heroic John Wayne type outlook on life, and is titled, Big Bad Don.

If you go to BIG BAD JOHN ~ Jimmy Dean (1961) you can follow the original while reading SMACs lyrics.

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong)

Every day, long after nine you could see him arrive.
He stood six foot one, weighed two forty five.
Kinda narrow at the shoulder and big at the hip
And everybody knew ya didn’t give no lip to Big Don.

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong) Big Bad Don (Ding Dong)

Nobody seemed to know where Don called home.
He just flew around, golfed and stayed all alone.
Maligning people, he wasn’t at all shy.
If anyone opposed, he just said goodbye, the Big Don

Couldn’t have raped her, she was below par.
Then he got into a fight over a big porn star
And got a crushin’ blow when put on the stand
Said I’ll see ya later when I win my next hand, Big Don

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong) Big Bad Don (Ding Dong)

Then the polls collapsed at the end of the next term,
But while the party cracked, big Don stood firm.
GOPers were saying this term is our last.
They all said they′d better jump fast, ‘cept Don

Through the lies and the smoke of his self-made hell
Shambled a bent old man, a hollowed-out shell,
Grabbed a 3-wood and hit the ball with a groan,
But he won the round ‘cos he played there alone, Big Don

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong) Big Bad Don (Ding Dong)

A last throw of his dice, again attacked the Fed
But the GOPers said, “There’s an exit up ahead!”
As two twenty men escaped a political grave,
There′s one left they’re not going to save, big Don

With hammers and timbers they battened him down.
Still smoke and gas and bile belched from that clown.
The word salads and tangents came so thick and fast,
That even Fox dupes knew this was the end at last for Don

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong) Big Bad Don (Ding Dong)

No third term, he was shunned and on his own.
Even Melania glared icily and left him alone.
Finally, his orange face became white and deadpan.
His epitaph read, ”Here lies a vain, stupid man.”

(Ding Dong) (Ding Dong) Big Bad Don (Ding Dong) (Ding Dong)

How unlucky can a country be.  America has the world’s richest man and world’s greatest con man, both with multiple factory defects and peculiar world views, reshaping their country by a quiet, or maybe not quiet, revolution.  They were best buddies, politically, but it was only a matter of time before the two superegos would fall out.      

While Musk’s tech bro and bozo-in-arms, Jeff Bezos of ALPHABET looked on bemused, the Twar of the Bozos broke out.  From the Alpha Pale to the Orange Man, from X to T, it ranged through the letters of the alphabet except for F, U, C, K and U.  It was naked aggression except for some of Trump’s letters which were written in CAPS.

Trump had given Elon the keys to the kingdom by making him top DOGE and told him to have fun.  Elon cried havoc and let slip his barely legal nerd minions who were still popping pimples while he popped pills at a prodigious rate.  Like pigs snuffling for truffles, they rooted out all vaguely DEI programs and appointments, no matter how deeply buried and canned years of institutional memory and important programs in the Federal system with the sweep of Elon’s chainsaw.  On 30 May it was time for Elon to return to try to save Tesla from a fate worse than a dead battery (or no battery at all thanks to Trump’s tariff war).  Trump thanked him and presented him with a Disney-esque golden key to the White (and Gold) House.

Meanwhile Trump was pushing his Opus Magnum, his 1000+ page Big Beautiful Bill or BBB. It is actually more prosaically a budget reconciliation bill, but with semantic infiltration, Trump has got everyone, even Democrats, to call it the BBB.  In fact, it is a toxic witches’ brew of every Republican’s personal wet dream and stuffed with pork to suit everyone’s taste.  But instead of decreasing the dangerously high Federal deficit, it looks to increase it and could reduce America to BBB investment grade.

Perhaps Musk felt lonely not being at the centre of the anarchistic vortex anymore or perhaps he was just allergic to B’s.  He fired his first broadside at Trump’s BBB calling it a “disgusting abomination” just after lunch with a side order of uppers on 3 June.  The bromance was dead.  Uncharacteristically Trump did not clap back.  It was only at midday on 5 June after a long night of Presidential briefings – binge watching Fox News – that he took the bait and issued a mild response.  A flurry of provocative Musk posts on X followed including asking for a new political party.  They traded stinging cross court returns like well-seasoned tennis pros with Trump threatening his government contracts which Musk petulantly returned with, “SpaceX will begin decommissioning its Dragon spacecraft immediately.”  At 3:10 Elon snapped and removed his musk to reveal his ace – the Epstein Files which hadn’t been released as promised because his ex-best buddy was in them. Whoa, the Big Mac and its sauce was sure to hit the fan but the Angry Bird was now the adult in the room.  Like an old married partner, he had given Musk the hot tongue, it was time for the cold bum and what a bum.   Looney Tunes continued the twar with no response until 7:30 when he folded – he had no more cards – bummer. 

There was silence in the virtual battlefield.  Musk realised that he had miscalculated.  Six days later in the dark lonely hours of 11 June at 3:00 am, Musk grovelled.

Trump projects many laughable images of himself: One is as a devout Christian attending the odd service or selling Trump endorsed Bibles.  Another is as a great American patriot and hero

Probably the most iconic photograph in American history, as celebrated in their 3¢ stamp, was the raising of the flag on the top Mt Suribachi on the Japanese island of Iwo Jima in WWII.  This was the second last island to be conquered in their island-hopping campaign leading up to an assault on the Japanese homeland which luckily was not needed.  Iwo Jima proved to be their costliest assault in terms or percentages with 28700 casualties.  The casualty rate for the Marines was higher than 50%.  Of the six Marines in the photograph, three were killed within a few days.  Those men were patriots.  They were heroes.  Maybe they were reluctant, but they did what their country asked of them.

Is Trump a hero?  Categorically no.  In the 60’s during the depths of the Cold War, America was increasingly pulled into the shitshow that was Vietnam, part of the ex-French Indochina.  After the Korean War had stalemated in the 1950’s and the Cuban Missile crisis of 1962, this was where the rubber hit the road in stemming the spreading of the dictatorial dead hand of communism.  Did Trump heed the call to defend American values?  No.  He dodged the draft with the ludicrous and spurious claim of suffering from bone spurs put forward by a tame (or paid off) podiatrist.  My dad had his left leg visibly withered by polio.  Did that stop him from volunteering in WWII to serve in the Army and subsequently fight Rommel in the North African desert?  No.  It did not.  Men like that can be called heroes while Trump calls prisoners of war, losers.

79 years after Iwo Jima, Donald Trump was shot at during a campaign rally, a slight occupational hazard for politicians.  Being a school kid is probably more dangerous in America.  Boy, did he play it up!  Apart from Biden’s mumbling and stumbling, this signature event probably did more than anything to cement his second term.  He made sure that the image of him being covered by secret service agents, his blood-flecked ear and a flag in the background was publicised far and wide.  He subsequently hyped it by appearing at rallies with a huge white rectangular ‘wound’ covering, making sure that even people in the back rows could see what a hero he had been.  Was he a hero?  No.  The secret agents were.  For a pretty standard government salary, they are asked to become their charge’s live body armour and they did it without question.  And as for the ‘wound’, it was no more serious than a nick.  How can I say that, firstly, ears bleed profusely and there was scant evidence of that and, secondly, within a few days he had removed the over-the-top wound protection to reveal little sign that anything had happened.  Perhaps he is the Orange Jesus or has superpowers after all as a lot of his superhero images try to proclaim.  He also stated that he felt the hit against his head.  No such thing.  That was the sonic shock wave of the bullet.

And now we come full circle to the man whose patriotism is as fake as his bone spurs.  He recently claimed that Ukraine’s heroic defence against the invasion by a far larger foe intent on its destruction, and who targets its civilians as a matter of strategy and tortures them and prisoners of war, is merely like kids fighting.  This is truly a new low, even for him.

Trump’s 2nd presidency has been unprecedented. This modern-day tyrant has ruled by bleating multiple times per day on his Truth Social social media platform. Hitler and Goebbels used radio, Trump uses the modern equivalents. By the 132-day mark, he had bleated 2262 times (17 per day), many of them in ALL CAPS. It’s a tool he has learnt to wield as it is 3x the rate he bleated during his first presidency.

He has backed these up with 100s of quasi-legal and illegal executive orders. His self-appointed task of reshaping America as been made easier by the fact that the Republicans control the House, the Senate and the Supreme court on top of the Presidency. Somehow Trump controls the Republicans. They either live in awe of him or in fear of him, but it is via Truth Social or the obsequious Fox News that he dominates them.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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You can buy a second one at a $10 discount as a beautiful gift for your amazing MAGA friends.  If you want to, you could buy it for your few non-MAGA friends to upset them.

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Trump was on the Qatar leg of his schmoozing of the Arabs in his creaking 35-year-plane that was beginning to sag and look a bit care worn.  She had been used by many men and had been around the block many times, indeed, the world. 

Landing at Doha, he spied the Emir’s discarded palace in-the-sky.  His shrivelled heart went out to the little, well not so little, plane sitting all alone, unwanted on her apron in the baking desert heat.  If he was in Egypt, he would have cried out, “Mummy, mummy, I want! Wah, wah!”, but since he wasn’t, he tried, “Daddy, daddy, I want!”  That didn’t work either.  After all, the manchild was the big daddy now.

Shame she was looking so forlorn with her taut 13-year-old body tastefully decked out in virginal white dripping with gold highlights.  All she needed was some kohl around the cockpit windows and she would look like a houri from the back streets of Cairo.  She might be a discard from the Emir’s harem, but he was smitten.  She was also more “impressive” being 6m longer than his old hag.  He just wanted to reach out and grab her by the, ahem, undercarriage.  Perhaps he could ask the Emir what her price was, after all every man has a price as he well knew.  He said a silent prayer to Mammon, crossed his wallet and touched his favourite old relic in his nether regions for luck.  He sent his bro, Steven Witkoff, man Friday and fellow billionaire, to discuss the bride price.  The Emir was flattered and decided to make it a gift saying that she was a fine ride and had only been lightly used. 

Back home the radical left scum were making a big hoo-ha and a brouhaha about his latest houri in Doha while RFK was distracting them with his MAHA.  Melania quietly voice messaged him in her sexy guttural Slavic accent that this would be a conflict of interest and that he must watch himself.  Ha-ha, he tried but he couldn’t see past his boep.  Trump was not deterred and hardened his resolve.  He closed the deal along with many others that were sure to give all his real estate and defence sector bros permanent hard-ons.  In his defence he quoted that age old Arab dictum that you don’t look a gift camel in the mouth (as it might spit in your face). The Emir had played him like a Qatar and was looking forward to at least four more peaceful years without US interference.  It was so easy.  It was like the colonists giving useless trinkets and glass beads to the tribes.  Give him a shiny gift, stroke his ego and you’ve got him by the sensitive bits.  (Ramaphosa tried to flatter him with a huge 14kg book on SA golf courses.  It didn’t work – he doesn’t read.)

Ok, ok, like all good fairy tales or bible stories, that’s not how it actually went down.

It had its genesis way back in the Obama era.  At the time of Trump’s victory in 2016, the Air Force was well underway with the final specification of two replacement planes based on the Boeing 747-8.  From the outside the presidential plane looks very similar to the commercial one, but under the skin it is a very different beast.  A major improvement was to be an air-air refuelling capability allowing the plane to remain in the air for more than a week until the food runs out or everyone shoots each other – could make a nice murder mystery thriller come to think of it.  Eager to prove himself to be the artful dealmaker that he touted himself to be, he complained that the $4.2bn price tag was too high and that they were to be delivered before the end of his term.  His bullying led to a dramatic change.  Boeing had two completed 747-8s airframes of a bankrupt customer which it proposed to convert for a reduction in price and specification.  The major item to go was the refuelling system as it cannot be retrofitted into a completed airframe.  Trump was happy to accept that because he is only interested in superficial image and not on the intrinsic worth.  The other compromise was to use the existing power supply and aircon system which are underpowered for the task. 

Boeing miscalculated the cost of, amongst other things, replacing the 380km of in situ wires with special shielded cables and the electromagnetic radiation hardening of all existing aircraft controls and electronic boxes.  The upshot is that the planes will be barely completed before the end of Trump’s second term.  Meanwhile the Emir’s palace in-the-sky could cost up to $1bn to convert to a sub-military grade US Presidential jet and will only be available just before the end of his term anyway.  It will initially be accepted by the Dept of Defense and then donated to Trump’s presidential library.  At $270,000 per flight hour, it’s anyone’s guess who is going to fly on it, to what end and who’s going to pay for it.  Perhaps it should be called Con Air.