Trump just missed his Nobel Prize.  No, not the Peace Prize, but the prize in Physiology or Medicine.  Instead, he let a bunch of flaky European low-lives trump him as he didn’t realise that he was on the cusp of a breakthrough.  Perhaps he was distracted by all the wars and geopolitical spats he had created or by his latest squeeze, his first aide, Natalie Harp.  Sure, he has not got a great physiology and just thinking about medical complexities gives him a headache.  He can’t even take Tylenol for it because RFKjr says it might give him autism, but all the elements were there for the breakthrough.

The prize winners, Deisseroth, Hegemann and Nagel, wanted to understand how a tiny, single-celled alga called Chlamydomonas senses light.  While they were beavering away, Trump, who is an expert on beavering away and chlamydia, made the three scientists green with envy because he had just created the world’s largest algae petri dish in Washington.  It did more than just sense light.  It attracted TV cameras and even found a way to cause a tear, not only in itself, but also in the reality matrix surrounding his administration.  Trump had been busy on this research since 2016, although he did take a four-year sabbatical when he was stiffed out of his job by a walking stiff.  During his times in office, he experimented by surrounding himself with pond life who were brain dead but nevertheless joined his choir visible in parroting his talking points*. 

Trump’s pond life – #2026 version

This was just preliminary research to see how far he could stretch reality before it tore.  This research led to his tour de farce, his pool, that changed from a blue to a green hue and cry while he reflected on it.  Unfortunately, like a light that attracts moths, this algae seemed to attract thousands of thugs who vandalised his experiment with knives.  He tried to fix things by gently stirring in nano-bubbles of ozone, but it was too late.  The result and the prize had been snatched from his grubby mitts just like the last election and he was green with envy. In a fit of pique, and many tantrums later, he drained his swamp so that his precious algae would never see the light again.

*  For the younger generation, Monty Python produced a sketch called The Dead Parrot in which a client complained that he had been sold a dead parrot which had joined the choir invisible amongst a bunch of similar cliches.