A SMAC in the Face #23:  Going Nowhere Slowly

By Blaine McCleland in Jokes 0 Comment

In September 1939, Nazi Germany taught the world a new word – Blitzkreig (Lightning War) – when they conquered Poland in a matter of weeks after using extensive false flag operations and spurious justifications.  As an aside, seventeen days after the start of the invasion, the ‘morally superior’ socialist Soviet Union also invaded Poland in accordance with the Molotov – Ribbentrop Pact and they divvied up the country between them.  This supping with the devil was doomed to end badly.  In May 1940, Germany drove home the meaning of Blitzkrieg when they swept through Western Europe and Dunkirked the undercooked British Expeditionary Force.  To make sure that the world knew what Blitzkrieg meant, they unleashed Operation Barbarossa just over 13 months later on their erstwhile allies, the Russians.  They were only stopped at the gates of Moscow six months later.

Fast forward to the illegal American invasion of Iraq in 2003 during which they subdued a highly militarised country, 70% the area of Ukraine with a similar population, in 43 days half a world away.  With America razzamatazz marketing, they eschewed the word Blitzkrieg and instead referred to it as Shock and Awe.  Semantics.  It still just meant that a lot of people got needlessly killed rather quickly to satisfy the bloodlust of a few.  America also used lies to justify their invasion.  This was led by Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney with the dupes being George ‘Keep Away From Sharp Knives’ Bush and Tony Blair.  The lies were the supposed hidden weapons of mass destruction of the species Nuclei and Bacteria.

29 years later and another deluded putz, Putin, decided that his borders were looking untidy what with Ukraine making overtures to NATO.  This was a cold war foe, the hatred of whom was buried deep in the dark axions of an ex-KGB officer’s foetid mind.  Who would rid him of this turbulent ex-comedian, now president, he asked?  “Me!”  he answered himself after Trump failed to strongarm Zelensky over Biden’s son.  Having carefully prepared the ground like megalomaniacs before him, using false flag operations and the downright lie of the rebirth of Nazism in the Ukraine, he unleashed his version of a Biltzkrieg on the 24th of February.  His overwhelmingly superior forces stormed across the border from three sides and triumphantly went … nowhere.   They were soon bogged down and became the docile prey of Ukrainian drones circling above.  Nearly a month on and Russia has not yet captured a major city while suffering innumerable losses which they will not admit to on the pain of serious prison terms.   

Their lack of progress brought to mind that great SABC TV program, Going Nowhere Slowly, which aired from 2005 and featured a red 1966 Chev Impala called Chilli Pepper slowly touring South Africa and ending in many sticky situations like running out of gas. 

Perhaps Putz Putin would have done well to have watched this program before he decided to invade the largest country in Europe with his Schlock and Bore.

A SMAC in the Face #18:  The Mark of Zorrow

By Blaine McCleland in Jokes 0 Comment

In the early hours of Thursday, the 24th of February, 190,000 Russian troops supported by 1000’s of tanks and armoured personnel carriers stormed across the Ukrainian borders from Belarus and two ‘disputed‘ Ukrainian territories in the world’s first non-attack by a sovereign state on another sovereign state, at least in the world according to Putin.  Since both sides of this ‘non-war’ use the same armaments, all the ‘non-belligerent’ Russian vehicles had huge white Z’s painted on them so they wouldn’t get shot by their comrades. 

For some Russians, this ‘peacekeeping’ operation has become a source of pride and it has spawned a homegrown fashion industry around the Z symbol.

However, for millions of Russians and the rest of the world except China, Pakistan, South Africa and some other polecat nations, this stain on Russia has become the Mark of Shame.

But for the 1000s of Ukrainians killed, this has become the Mark of Zorrow.

A SMAC in the Face # 17: A Tsar is Born

By Blaine McCleland in Jokes 0 Comment

Russia made a fantastic investment years ago.  For the price of a few secondhand AK47s and unused landmines and providing free political schooling, they bought 27 years of kneejerk fealty from the governing ANC.  Meanwhile other cadres were toughing it out in the bastions of democracy and liberal thought – London, the Netherlands and Scandinavia.  Mbeki had it particularly tough puffing on his pipe while contemplating Dickens – it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 

After the collapse of the Soviet Union, what did Russia actually do for South Africa apart from Putin offering Zuma a nuclear reactor and some secretive medical treatment for him and Mabuza?  Nada, nothing, niks!  Meanwhile the UK and the USA have been offering hugely beneficial trade deals and the northern European countries have been pouring billions into social and democracy strengthening projects.  This has been running at close to R17bn p.a. for the period 2012-2019, for example.

With Russia’s unilateral invasion – denazification or peacekeeping according to Putin – of Ukraine, which was a brother Socialist Republic until given complete independence by the Russian dominated Soviet, the ever flexible and hypocritical ANC has found itself with a self-inflicted wedgie.  It’s bending over backwards to the point that it’s about to disappear up its own arsehole.  Do they dissociate themselves from a friend with few benefits who has committed a blatant act of international aggression, do they prevaricate or do they support him?

DIRCO (aka Foreign Affairs, and we are not talking about Gigaba’s overseas mistress in New York) jumped the gun and asked Russia nicely to leave. This didn’t go down well with the ANC and, after a number of jumbled statements, the ANC’s position has becoming clearer – they wholeheartedly support a war criminal.

On 5 March, the ANC spokesidiot, Pule ‘The Other One’ Mabe, opined, “The ANC notes the draconian decision by the EU to impose sanctions on Russia … following the escalation of hostilities between Ukraine and Russia.”  What no mention of the massive and draconian invasion of a peaceful and truly democratic sovereign nation on the slimmest of trumped up pretexts?  He later goes on to disgorge this pearl of wisdom without a whiff of irony, “Stifling the plurality and diversity of views undermines internationally agreed principles on freedom of speech, choice and association. … the EU must still provide legal justification for this course of action.”  Really.  Does he actually believe that Putin allows now, or in the past, anything to be broadcast/published in Russia that he doesn’t like?  Stalin must be smiling.  The ANC are Russia’s useful idiots.  (And cheap at the price as Bosasa and the Guptas found out.)